"American, British and Monaco forces land in France," the front-page headline screams. "Chirac calls for resistance and disappears ... Pro-American uprising on Left Bank in Paris."

Among the 16 pages of reports are some on American troops seizing the Louvre museum, mistaking it for the nearby City Hall, while Kurds proclaim an autonomous state in eastern Paris.

According to The Monde, President Bush dubbed the operation "Big Spanking," much to the delight of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, but Secretary of State Colin Powell blocked its use out of concern for world reaction....

...At the invasion's start, the paper depicts a groggy and unshaven Chirac delivering a rambling television address to the nation before fleeing to an underground tunnel. "It's our duty to fiercely resist our American friends," he says.