drat fink

hunan globetrotters

"Mr. Menzies also described how, on his home computer and with a commercial software package called Starry Night, he reconstructed the Chinese celestial navigation system and traced what he thinks is the epic round-the-world voyage of Zheng He from March 1421 to October 1423. The Chinese, he concluded, explored the coasts of Africa, South America and Australia and sailed into the Caribbean and the Sea of Cortez, off what is now Baja California."

ciAnthrax

"A Newsnight investigation raised the possibility that there was a secret CIA project to investigate methods of sending anthrax through the mail which went madly out of control."

steel determination

"Brussels is planning to hit imports from key states targeted by the Republicans in this year's mid-term elections in revenge for President Bush's decision to slap heavy tariffs on European steel producers."

rebel yell

while gilligans island may be a better fit for presidential parodies, the dukes of hazzard has some interesting possibilities. i was thinking that el presidente would make a good roscoe p. coltrane. cheney would have little trouble with the boss hog role. maybe powell could give enos some new perspective. rove makes a nice cletus. but then, who to be the dukes? i guess bill and al would have to fit the bill (so much for our anti-heroes) with the moonshine representing degenerate hollywood values and all the evil that came out of the sixties. (cant you see gore preening that the character luke duke was based on him? except he would think he was the blond one.) and theres already an uncle jessie jackson. would that leave daisy to hillary or monica?

or are the dukes actually the conservatives? after all, they are draped in the flag of the confederacy. is moonshine oil, as in duke energy? damn those lawmen! deregulate now! the fat cats are big government. bo and luke work as george and jeb, which makes uncle jessie, obviously, pappy bush. and condi = daisy (cutters). is cooter rummy or rove? clinton would make an excellent sheriff. maybe ted kennedy could be boss hog. and is there a better bunch of bumbling deputies than al gore, tom daschle and dick gephardt? decide for yourself.

(next week, we take a startling look behind the catchers mask at the hidden truths as revealed to us from the results of the yankees versus diamondbacks 2001 world series. does it spell doom for us all? stay tuned!)

remaking artifice

"While some may be alarmed at the prospect of a director tampering with his original works, if Spielberg is determined to revisit his past films in this fashion, then it's clear that he has a tremendous amount of work cut out for him. Luckily, we're here to help him. Because if you can't provide free assistance to billionaire film directors, then who can you help?"