drat fink

roll with it

"Clunk enough people and we'll have a nation of lumpheads.

Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.

That womans as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.

She reminds me of Paul Revere's ride - a little light in the belfry.

Gal reminds me of the highway between Ft. Worth and Dallas - no curves.

As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff.

Boy's like a dead horse - got no get up and go...

Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind.

She's tryin' to make a pantywaist out of that poor kid.

That kid's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.

If kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned.

Well, barbeque my hamhocks!

That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal.

That boy's as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.

Look sister, is any of this filtering through that little blue bonnet of yours?

You're doing a lot of choppin', but no chips are flyin'.

The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.

I've got this boy as figgity as a bubble dancer with a slow leak.

Newest additions:

You look like two miles of bad road

That boy's just like a tattoo...gets under your skin

This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!

I-I-I know what you're gonna say son. When two halves is gone there's nuthin' left - and you're right. It's a little ol' worm who wasn't there. Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'."

ruby to stay

my parents were married forty years ago today. someone should really wish them well. so, whos up for it? or there must be a holiday-specific animated gif which is uniquely impersonal that i could send. something with dancing bears and the rolling stones, i hope.

friendly reminder

yo mf, that counter terrorism dude is on 60 minutes tonight.

edgy material

"A kind of travel book for armchair circumambulators, written in a meandering, essayistic style, it chronicles the past, present and future of Manhattan along its edges. It's a lively, engaging hybrid, blending reportage, history, personal memoir and literary and architectural criticism.

The book ambles northward along the Hudson, from the Battery to Inwood, then takes in the East River, from lower Manhattan to Highbridge Park. Along the way, the author comments on buildings and open space, recalls movies and novels set on the waterfront, recounts political battles that shaped it, suggests civic improvements, unearths little-known bits of history and lore."

via gothamist

wash inc machine

wow. kevin drum didnt just get a blog at The Washington Monthly, he is The Washington Monthly.

report cord

The Iraq on the Record Report, prepared at the request of Rep. Henry A. Waxman, is a comprehensive examination of the statements made by the five Administration officials most responsible for providing public information and shaping public opinion on Iraq: President George W. Bush, Vice President Richard Cheney, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice.

jumping through hoops

the outspoken owner of the dallas mavericks, mark cuban, has started a weblog.

easter services

"All those mysteries have spawned volumes of speculation for almost three centuries. Many Europeans were incredulous that Polynesians, "mere savages," could have constructed the statues or the beautiful stone platforms. The Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl's famous Kon-Tiki expedition and his other raft voyages aimed to prove the feasibility of transoceanic connections between Egypt's pyramids, the giant stone architecture of South America's Inca Empire, and Easter Island's statues. Going further, the Swiss writer Erich von Däniken claimed that the statues were the work of intelligent extraterrestrials who had ultramodern tools, became stranded on Easter, and were finally rescued. But the explanation that has now emerged attributes statue carving to the picks and other tools littering Rano Raraku rather than to hypothetical space implements, and to Easter's known Polynesian inhabitants rather than to Incas, Egyptians, or Martians. This story is as romantic and exciting as were postulated visits by Kon-Tiki rafts or extraterrestrials—and much more relevant to events now going on in the modern world."

its got therappeal

i was just wondering how long it will be before psychotherapy becomes fodder for a "reality tv" program. im guessing it will be called The Couch. im not sure of the premise. any ideas? are the participants the subjects to be studied or do they weigh others concerns? the same company will also produce a show for HBO called The Casting Couch a mockumentary-style show about a "reality tv" production company.

master crassmen

sixteen plus hours into the botched repair job by the smelliest man on the lower east side at about quarter past midnight i hear the landlord creaking across the floorboards. its finally done, he says, except it might leak a little, and if it did all i had to do was shut off the valve when i wasnt using the hot water. ya know, nothing inconvenient about that. (what am i paying again? he acts like he still gets $200 a month for an apartment.) upon hearing this i burst out laughing because thats exactly what i had been doing i week and a half ago when i could still take a shower. ok, a hot shower. call me spoiled. he failed to echo my amusement as i had failed to grade their efforts a resounding success. so im left with another ridiculously unsightly exposed pipe in my kitchen through a hacked out hole in the bathroom wall, and im congratulating them on a job, well....done. now as soon as the handymans facial swelling goes down im told the holes in the walls and the ceiling will be rectified. can holes be rectified, or can only the situation regarding the holes be, er, rectified? rectified...rectum...correlation? wheres that OED when you need it, and something for the swelling.