drat fink

berry nasty

i came very close to spitting on someone again today. i was waiting impatiently at the farmers market in union square to purchase a pint of blueberries. i had my ipod blaring so i was only minutely engaged with reality but even through that filter it was almost impossible not to notice the dithering of the farmista behind the makeshift counter. i had made no effort to get her attention beyond holding my $5 bill out in front of me to signal that i was prepared to pay. i wasnt insisting, i was just trying to make it known that i was ready. she was, at that moment, dealing with another customer who also was purchasing one pint of blueberries but somehow this exchange was taking minutes, not seconds to complete. that my hand was up at all was a result of my expectation that this previous transaction would be expedited with effeciency.

but then for whatever reason the hirsute-lipped farmstress decides to stop struggling with a plastic bag for the other patron and gives me a dollar which would be change for the blueberries that i was trying to purchase but then doesnt take my money. so now i have $6 dollars and the blueberries and im trying to give her the five so i can leave. i dont need no stinking plastic bag or nothing. so i imagine my arm thrusting becomes slightly more insistent, but little more, at which point she decides to go off on me. as i said, i had my ipod blasting so i couldnt even make out what she was saying but the phlegm was rising in the back of my throat eager to dot my non verbal exclamation. instead, i walked away but not before crumpling up my five and tossing it in her general direction.

current events

so i was without power for about 18 hours at my apartment until moments ago. ok, thats not exactly true, i ran an extension cord last night from my neighbors apartment, but, in theory, i was powerless. and, as expected, it was a burnt out fuse. unfortunately, the fuse box is in the basement of the building which is only accessible through the landlords "store" on the ground floor. i dont actually think you can call it a store because noone has bought anything in there since 1955.

so im annoyed for any number of reasons with the landlord. first, the wiring in the building sucks, and he refuses to even consider looking into what could be done. and now it looks like it will end up costing me considerable dollars (in increased rent) to put in a gas line for a stove so i can cook and have the air conditioner running at the same time. (im guessing thats what tripped the fuse.) and, of course, that conversation was precipitated by my complaining about his negligence (always a touchy subject).

meanwhile, at least part of my hardship could have been avoided if he trusted his super with the keys to his store. there is absolutely nothing worth stealing in the store. there is no reason not to have this contigency plan for emergencies. the landlord even said it was a good thing this didnt happen while he was away, but there was a good chance he might not have come in today and he doesnt work on saturdays, so i could potentially have been without power until sunday. needless to say, he has no plans to make any changes except to charge me more.

and then i asked if there was any way to reach him after business hours so he could have come back and dealt with my problem, to which he said that he would not come back at night even though he only lives about 10 minutes away on foot (and it was 7pm when it happened). so basically he doesnt give a fuck. if the laws werent what they were, i would have bludgeoned him on the spot.

service ace

broke my sports viewing lockout recently. a first place mets team and time to kill made for an irresistible combination as did the clay courts in paris this week and my recent affinity for tennis. ive kept the nba at bay but ill likely dip my toe into the world cup later this morning. it would be nice with a chocolate croissant and a cafe latte but my garliced homefries and swiss chard breakfast will have to fill that void.

but my kvetch heute morgen is a familiar one. espn has shown the french open live all week. nbc buys the final weekend rights and will likely show condensed time delayed semifinals and could possibly treat the finals and their viewers with equal distain. you suck, nbc. ad infinitum.

rip wink

went cd shopping (no, really) yesterday at other music, and by the time i left the store, i felt about 105. noone, other than the proprietors, seemed over 18. quite disconcerting. and virgin records was only marginally better. but, then, today i went budget binning at j and r music, primarily in the "oldies" section, and had the opposite sensation. other than myself it was all trench coats and borderline social security recepients. felt more like time square in its seedier incarnation. and if you put the clientele from both stores together and shake well, i think at the end of the day youd have quite a mess on your hands.

and speaking of a mess on my hands, i need a better "desk" chair. this one has taken too much pleasure in my displeasure. $300 or less, any ideas?

bags groove

"sorry for being such as douchebag lately."

"i wouldnt have called you a douchebag, but i wont question your judgement."

spit shined

maybe i should have dratfink be a compendium of my finkish outbursts. and if you are thinking thats what it already was, well, youd probably be more right than wrong.

offered someone a can of beer that was left in my fridge, a gift from one of my many admirers. the object of my largesse requested a napkin to clean off the top of the can, an ablution he said he performed on all canned comestibles prior to intake. i made a move toward a piece of cloth hanging from a cabinet door in order to render complete this act of kindness, at which point said object of said largesse made a point of saying that said piece of cloth was an unacceptable alternative. now, i havent had napkins in my apartment for years but i just happen to have some now and they just happen to have been hanging in a bag just next to the aforementioned cloth. so i reached into the bag of napkins and pulled one out, then wrapped it around the beer. but my general disgust at the request and the tone with which it had been leveled required some sort of response. and i found a perfectly good one, too, welling up in the recesses of my pharynx. thats right, just before thrusting the beer forward into his germaphobic mitts, i spat on the top of the can. needless to say, that beer went unconsumed.

so let that be a lesson to you, if you take a can of beer from my fridge, youd better wipe it clean, it might be, um, unsterile. just dont ask for a napkin.

"double drat"

bounding up the charts. subscribed yet? (i know you want to know what i ate for breakfast last week.) 20% more solipsistic than the original. guaranteed!

double your pleasure

fink forward?

now thats what i call a free market! i can finally afford to hire 50cent for my daughters bat mitzvah!

WASHINGTON -- American contractors swindled hundreds of millions of dollars in Iraqi funds, but so far there is no way for Iraq's government to recoup the money, according to US investigators and civil attorneys tracking fraud claims against contractors.

a pain in the ass is a pain in the ass

one of you gentiles want to make a distinction?

Nudge -- One who persistently pesters, annoys, or complains.

Kvetch -- To complain persistently and whiningly.