drat fink

glasses half empty

first time i ever left the house with my glasses in a soft case in the pocket of my fleece jacket and i managed to lose them. i will never leave the house without my bag again. the one thing keeping me from extra strength self recrimination is that a new prescription was long overdue and the frames were bent enough so that new ones were pretty much a necessity. so this will hasten that process but im still not happy about it because i really didnt need to bring them out at all as i never wore them and i debated this prior to doing so. this is where is curse myself out. where was my helpful new yorker when i needed them?

free for all

no joke

i was so close to doing things right for a change and now it all looks like a titanic fuck up. it is making me sick.

im glad, im glad, im glad

of all things i find the glad ads on nyc sanitation vehicles one of the most visually offensive intrusions of advertising. imagine that with a large neon yellow inducement to a oneness with your refuse. its a perfect synergy between product and vehicle, and one would hope a good source of revenue for the city. but it still bothers me. im not sure if its a consequence of sentiment or aesthetic.

mr clean is the man

what moron would ever choose off-white self-adhesive linoleum floor tiles for an uneven paint splattered kitchen?

dave, let me introduce you to the mop and the broom. they will be your guide and companion on this long and arduous journey towards funk-free footfalls. dont let the dirt spewing from that hole in the ceiling or the one under the sink deter you. fear not the ubiquitous mouse or roach droppings on your path or in your pantry. (literally just saw a mouse.) for it must be true that cleaniness brings you closer to god. and while i cant quite make out his glimmering aura in the floor tiles, its pine-fresh shine is heaven sent.

d railed

oh snap, a shout out from james wolc..o...t...t......well now, wait a minute, something seems to be missing.

heart itch

psoriasis: its not just for scratching anymore.

pin the tail on the ass

memo to self: do not yelp "this place smells like shit" at a female however unpleasant you find the aroma of ox-tail soup. unlike their boyfriends and the specters in your mind, they will not find this the least bit amusing.

naut it

someone who would have been better off had he never heard of the stock market recommended xybernaut to me back in the pre-bubble bursting days. i think every stock he suggested was a pump and dump. really, you should have invested in real estate.

not ready to bake nice

sometimes i wish i was stupider so i wouldnt realize what an idiot i can be. (stop nodding. this has nothing to do with you. yes, just desserts is clever.)