Topics: editorial / grey goo / musical autism / substances / pugilism / Japan, the band / sad kitties / pranks with submarines / global theory / Plato was an idiot / shitty shitty beer store
editorial (quicktime)
by Von Bark
The year is 1975, and the obsessive techno-nerds Wally Becker and Donny Fagin are ensconced within the womb of their recording studio, hacking out the follow-up to their latest hit album Pretzel-Logic. The sessions are humming along, they have some of their jazz-idols like saxophonist Phil Woods in to jam with them, and they are happily fiddling with the latest in state of the art multi-track recording technology. They are also ambitiously exercising their tendencies towards arcane chart arrangements with complex tonal voicings, in particular, their patented mysterious "Mu" chord, a Major (or perhaps Minor) chord with a strong 2nd over a 9th, creating an edgy tension evoking a tone cluster. more... |
Why I Don't Have Any Female Rock Idols To Call My Own
by Sally McKay
A 21st century feminist music memoir written in tribute to Patti Smith, Siouxsie Sioux, Chrissie Hynde, Pat Benatar, Joan Jett, Laurie Anderson, P.J. Harvey, The Slits, Le Tigre, Cibo Mato... more... |
The Road Of Excess
A Review Of Marcus Boon's A History Of Writers On Drugs
by Von Bark
This is a book whose time had come, if not been long overdue. The reasons it seems so overdue could be self-evident: academic research into literature tends to be a rational process, while the taint of intoxication by controlled substances is, if not illicit or tawdry, at the very least ultimately irrational, lending itself to fanciful descriptions rather than concrete analysis. Boon’s comments on these subjects are crisp without being dry, gently ironic, and dare I say it, clear-headed; a sober yet surprisingly sensitive approach to a topic which is anything but sober. more... |
The License To Murdalize
by Von Bark
Most sports are rather puerile, a fake childish artificial Darwinism of overgrown infants striving to prove whom among them is "better." Sporting events are anti-intellectual activities, discouraging of thought and reflection. The bar band Huey Lewis and The News titled their best selling album Sports: perfect in a sense, music for yobs who hate music, merely requiring background noise between innings.
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Undeservedly Forgotten Japan
English 80s Pop Band: A Reappreaciation
by Von Bark
Okay: first point conceded: they had big hair; the state of contemporary pop culture appreciation delegates this trope to the smirking graveyard, but, if we might look beyond the antennae for receiving extra-terrestrial signals (and the attendant head-cutters in the employ of the government), we might glance at that which lay beyond.
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The Saddest Story Ever Written
by Von Bark
I have gone through most of my adult life thinking that the saddest short story ever written was "Araby" by James Joyce. That final line about "eyes burning with anguish" captures the essence of young male frustration. I rode back from the job site with my boss after a small construction gig, which thanks to the weather went ahead of schedule. We parked so that he could take care of business, and while I had a few free moments I read from the book in my knapsack. more... |
Offsite Special#1: Turmoil Beneath The Seas
by L.M.
First of all, anyone who was at my house last week for tea in the garden can stop reading now, since I am just going to repeat all that stuff I told you about the Kursk. (I saw your eyes glaze over, you know who you are.) While I was gluing fighter plane models together in front of the TV, I watched a French documentary called The Kursk: A Submarine in Troubled Waters. (I meant to start posting about this earlier, but I got carried away on line reading missile discussion boards, and then watched Das Boot for the 11th time.) more... |
Offsite Special#2: Global Theory Of Representation
by Sally McKay
I am not enough of a detail person to excell at conspiracy theories, but I figured I'd better show up tonight armed with a Global Theory, so I invented one called GTR. This stands for Global Theory of Representation. The Global Theory of Representation states: Art is the practice of drawing false distinctions.
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Plato Was An Idiot
by Von Bark
Western Society is not perfect, no society is... nothing in life is perfect except possibly the perfection of a fresh spring morning, and possibly my associate editor. So speaking of perfection, let us now briefly examine Plato's Cave. For the unlettered among us, those whose negligent parents and decayed public school systems have resulted in unenlightened upbringing, now ensues a brief summary. It is a clever but stupid idea. Here is how it works...
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The Shitty Design Award
by Von Bark
The shitty design award for this issue is the new look of THE BEER STORE. Other award winners include the TTC Spadina Streetcar Route, the proposed TTC St. Clair Streetcar Route, and Microsoft's Windows 98 Operating System.
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