Next deadline: when we decide

The Strict and Exacting Editorial Standards for Consideration of Submissions to the Alpha Bee Cat Imprint

1. Generally, the editors prefer contributions which are candid in tone, although we will consider submissions which are frank and earnest in tone, as a change of pace.


2. Generally, the editors pefer short contributions of limited word-count, although... Please Note: the editors are happy to review excerpts of longer pieces. We like them. Do you wanna decide which piece of the pie is served? How about some whipping cream with that?


3. Pseudonyms are encouraged.


4. Generally, the editors prefer articles written in a crisp, precise flowing prose style, although we will consider sloppy, argot-infested manuscripts as ... well, okay, send them in. For style guidelines, look towards George Orwell’s essays on essay writing. He prefers Saxon words, with an anti-Norman prejudice. But he is a good writer, so don’t listen to me.


5. The GOOD NEWS is that the editors will print at least an excerpt, however brief, even if it is merely one word, of every document submitted. Um, unfortunately, you may have to wait a long time, or a very long time, before you see it.


6. The BAD NEWS is that we will pay you nothing. Not a dollar. Not a frickin' dime. If your submission is inhumanely exemplary we might buy you a beer. But maybe not, even then.