Crazy White Renovator
One thing about doing a gut renovation in your spare time is that it taxes your energy and patience levels to such an extent that you often fly off the handle and utter weird, or even mean shit to people who normally would not be victims of your wrath.
A couple of weeks ago I was sweeping the kitchen floor over at Rocheblave (it was a day during which I felt great ambivalence about the fate of nesting pigeons) and I observed through the broken glass panes of the back door--which is in the kitchen--a man lurking directly below me. The house is pier and beam and sits three cinder blocks high. And this man is fiddling with the screen door which I have wedged so tight it can't be open, and the door itself is nailed or painted shut, so I'm feeling almost mirthful standing off to the side watching this man's attempts which will end in failure.
Now the side door and front door of this house do not exist (as well as any steps up to them), so they have been replaced with plywood sheets which I screw (with cordless screw gun) on and off as needed. I have the bottom panel of plywood--there are three stacked panels--off the side entrance and when I see the man head that way I too head that way, leaving the kitchen and entering the hallway. The man does not even hesitate before making his initial leap into the house (even for the most athletic it is a two step process) and before he can follow through with the motion which will have us sharing the same space, I jump, so to speak, all over his shit.
"No uh uh, this shit gotta stop, no more visitors, the house is closed, you have just met the new owner and he is an asshole."
"I heard noises over here so I came to check it out," he responded.
That response did stop me for a minute, causing me to make a more careful inspection of this man: Medium height, medium brown skin, bright (blue/grey) eyes, fiftyish, some facial hair with slight greying, overall a good looking man, but the clothes and shoes register on the homeless meter, and so I start up again.
"Well the noises you heard are me working in here, and I'm going to be living here, and I'm not looking to make any new friends, and if you're the one who was living here before and are responsible for the fire then I'm especially not happy to see you..."
"Naw uh uh," he interupted me, "this house too wide open for me, I stay back there," pointing towards the not very well boarded up Iberville dance hall. And then he further disarms me by introducing himself and offering up (as he is still standing below me, outside the house) his hand. "My name is Joseph, but they call me Pigman."
I shake his hand and offer that I don't have any problem with his general existence but that any intrusion of this property will not be smiled upon. He shakes my hand again as if to say, "that's not too much to ask you uptight whiteboy," and we part company.
There are a couple of churches nearby that offer help to the downtrodden, so there is in the area a pretty fair population of needy, on top of the general population which in many cases wishes not to be classified as such. Also, Rocheblave is somewhat of a highway for scrap collectors, being that it carries not a great deal of automobile traffic and is the most direct path to the recycling plant a few blocks away, closer to the Lafitte projects. Which is to say I'm meeting a lot of transients pushing grocery carts full of treasure and therefore am carefully cultivating my reputation as "that crazy white boy," not a hard thing for a white man to sell to a black man, as our history shows us not always on best behavior.
On another day I was sweeping the cracked pavement of my driveway when a fellow walked right up to me and apoligized for not being better prepared as he tried to hold the sixteen ounce Red Dog in his armpit while seaching for the prop in his wallet. The beer on his breath was ripe and implied that the one under his arm was not his first of the day, even as this was only eight in the morning. He then produced a handwritten list with a heading that was some young girl's name and various signatures with dollar amounts by them. He told me how this young girl was his niece and she had recently been shot dead and the family had no insurance so could I help. A great con. If indeed it is a con. But how can one be sure? I act as if I have no money but would like to contribute if he could give me more information. I ask about the MacDonalds where she worked, because KaKa used to work there and maybe she knew the dead girl. A good con artist does not give up easily and will dance to the steps of his mark. But this mark tires easily and after I make an especially dimwitted response the man touches me on the shoulder, and says, "you don't seem to understand, this girl dead." And his touch and words inject me with more truth than I can bare and his con has become transparent before me and I am immediately furious, going through a transformation like the Hulk, only I'm still rail thin afterwards. And I call him a motherfucker and a bunch of other things and suggest rather harshly that he not bring anymore stupid bullshit by me, and in response to his apology I tell him its too late for that, get the hell away from me. I was relating this incident to my new neighbor, Charles, somewhat of a hustler himself, and he said, "Aw man, that's an old hustle. He should'na tried to run that around here."
All that being said, Rocheblave is a considerably more relaxed neighborhood compared to Dumaine, at least before I got there.
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One thing about doing a gut renovation in your spare time is that it taxes your energy and patience levels to such an extent that you often fly off the handle and utter weird, or even mean shit to people who normally would not be victims of your wrath.
A couple of weeks ago I was sweeping the kitchen floor over at Rocheblave (it was a day during which I felt great ambivalence about the fate of nesting pigeons) and I observed through the broken glass panes of the back door--which is in the kitchen--a man lurking directly below me. The house is pier and beam and sits three cinder blocks high. And this man is fiddling with the screen door which I have wedged so tight it can't be open, and the door itself is nailed or painted shut, so I'm feeling almost mirthful standing off to the side watching this man's attempts which will end in failure.
Now the side door and front door of this house do not exist (as well as any steps up to them), so they have been replaced with plywood sheets which I screw (with cordless screw gun) on and off as needed. I have the bottom panel of plywood--there are three stacked panels--off the side entrance and when I see the man head that way I too head that way, leaving the kitchen and entering the hallway. The man does not even hesitate before making his initial leap into the house (even for the most athletic it is a two step process) and before he can follow through with the motion which will have us sharing the same space, I jump, so to speak, all over his shit.
"No uh uh, this shit gotta stop, no more visitors, the house is closed, you have just met the new owner and he is an asshole."
"I heard noises over here so I came to check it out," he responded.
That response did stop me for a minute, causing me to make a more careful inspection of this man: Medium height, medium brown skin, bright (blue/grey) eyes, fiftyish, some facial hair with slight greying, overall a good looking man, but the clothes and shoes register on the homeless meter, and so I start up again.
"Well the noises you heard are me working in here, and I'm going to be living here, and I'm not looking to make any new friends, and if you're the one who was living here before and are responsible for the fire then I'm especially not happy to see you..."
"Naw uh uh," he interupted me, "this house too wide open for me, I stay back there," pointing towards the not very well boarded up Iberville dance hall. And then he further disarms me by introducing himself and offering up (as he is still standing below me, outside the house) his hand. "My name is Joseph, but they call me Pigman."
I shake his hand and offer that I don't have any problem with his general existence but that any intrusion of this property will not be smiled upon. He shakes my hand again as if to say, "that's not too much to ask you uptight whiteboy," and we part company.
There are a couple of churches nearby that offer help to the downtrodden, so there is in the area a pretty fair population of needy, on top of the general population which in many cases wishes not to be classified as such. Also, Rocheblave is somewhat of a highway for scrap collectors, being that it carries not a great deal of automobile traffic and is the most direct path to the recycling plant a few blocks away, closer to the Lafitte projects. Which is to say I'm meeting a lot of transients pushing grocery carts full of treasure and therefore am carefully cultivating my reputation as "that crazy white boy," not a hard thing for a white man to sell to a black man, as our history shows us not always on best behavior.
On another day I was sweeping the cracked pavement of my driveway when a fellow walked right up to me and apoligized for not being better prepared as he tried to hold the sixteen ounce Red Dog in his armpit while seaching for the prop in his wallet. The beer on his breath was ripe and implied that the one under his arm was not his first of the day, even as this was only eight in the morning. He then produced a handwritten list with a heading that was some young girl's name and various signatures with dollar amounts by them. He told me how this young girl was his niece and she had recently been shot dead and the family had no insurance so could I help. A great con. If indeed it is a con. But how can one be sure? I act as if I have no money but would like to contribute if he could give me more information. I ask about the MacDonalds where she worked, because KaKa used to work there and maybe she knew the dead girl. A good con artist does not give up easily and will dance to the steps of his mark. But this mark tires easily and after I make an especially dimwitted response the man touches me on the shoulder, and says, "you don't seem to understand, this girl dead." And his touch and words inject me with more truth than I can bare and his con has become transparent before me and I am immediately furious, going through a transformation like the Hulk, only I'm still rail thin afterwards. And I call him a motherfucker and a bunch of other things and suggest rather harshly that he not bring anymore stupid bullshit by me, and in response to his apology I tell him its too late for that, get the hell away from me. I was relating this incident to my new neighbor, Charles, somewhat of a hustler himself, and he said, "Aw man, that's an old hustle. He should'na tried to run that around here."
All that being said, Rocheblave is a considerably more relaxed neighborhood compared to Dumaine, at least before I got there.
- jimlouis 4-21-2000 11:27 pm