A.B.'s A and B lists for 2009

LIST A - Top Five Classic Food Stylist's Tips As Revealed To Me in 2009:

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1) For a farm-fresh looking bowl of cereal and milk, substitute white glue for the milk.

2) Scoops of mashed potato are an effective double for ice cream.

3) A thin application of hair conditioner lends sheen to vegetables, chops, etc. etc.

4) To keep food from absorbing moisture, spray with fabric protector.

5) For the pancake money shot, use WD40 instead of syrup.

LIST B - Five Reasons Why Led Zeppelin Didn't Reform This Year

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1) Simon Cowell did not decree that this should be so.

2) Music is merely soundtrack now, so the game doesn't seem worth the candle, as the Brits say.

3) Of lemons and legs. These days their whole male-female stock in trade seems puzzling. Strangely, in their own way the lyrics valorized women (at the same time they totally exploited us).

4) The Mage is in his physick garden and probably sees no reason to deal with a load of tacky Entertainment-Tonight-style questions.

5) Have you listened to 'The Battle Of Evermore' recently?? It says you can't stop the tide of history, man!!

- L.M. 12-23-2009 12:12 am




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