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Recounted Out
It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the
following news.
Please join us in remembering a great icon of the
entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died
yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from
repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was
buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their respects,
including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the
California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess
Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled
high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy
and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never
knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly
in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart"
cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he
still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll
model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife,
Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough;
plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by
his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 Minutes.
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