Hear What?
One day several weeks ago I explored head on the potentially harrowing risk of human interaction and left the property in search of ice cream. As I drove down the hill I saw a vehicle parked off road by the pond and its occupant standing by the fence a hundred yards away. The vehicle was a late model foreign-made family hauling vehicle, dark blue, and the woman an American, of healthy appearance, not showing distress of any kind, and at home in her trespassing. As caretaker it would be necessary to scold this bold trespasser but as I saw no reason to be abusive or threatening--even though to be so would be well within my job description--I stayed in my Jeep and waited patiently for the woman to finish whatever the hell it was she was doing over there along the north fence. I stared straight ahead and therefore missed the woman waving to me in a fashion which if seen would have implied friendliness, perhaps even familiarity.
If for long periods you refrain from exposing yourself to other people even friends and family can appear, upon new viewings, to seem intimidatingly unfamiliar. How dare this woman park on the grass. Is she challenging me? And what, in holy hell, is she doing over by the fence? She began to walk towards me.
As it turned out it was one of my bosses, Mrs. BC, come out to meet a contractor or deliver some new piece of furniture, but when she first arrived she had heard a ringing over in the direction of that fence and had gone over to investigate. Thinking that the ringing was someone's alarm and that she might perhaps save them and subsequently have a parade thrown in her honor--the townspeople lining the street weeping for joy, so happy to have in their midsts one so courageous--she had me follow her back over to the fence so that I could hear the alarm. I couldn't hear it. Are you sure? Yes, quite.
I'm not always so literally minded nor am I above playing along with people who hear things or for that matter people who see things but in this case I thought it best to admit only to hearing things that I could in fact hear. Mrs. BC is the mother of three and it would do no one any good if I were to coddle her in these early stages of whatever mental disorder can be implied from the onset of auditory hallucinations.
Mrs. BC though was not ready to give up so easily on a parade thrown in her honor and attended by all 150 full time residents of the town, which would break the record for the number who attended the annual Christmas parade. She was not at all impressed by the fact that I don't hear things. It could be that the sun was slanted just so that day and that she could see the fulsome crop of hair clogging my ears which thus rendered any acoustical opinions I might have to be utterly without merit.
She suggested we drive over a few blocks to a road that runs parallel to the north fence because now she believed she was smelling smoke. I could see how badly she wanted that parade so I didn't bring up the fact that most everybody has a burn pile going this time of year. I might later be telling a concerned Mr. BC--at least we can discount the olfactory hallucination. We drove as far down the road as we could before becoming trespassers, and got out to listen. She could still hear it. You can hear that now, right? No, I swear to God I cannot. When she suggested that maybe she was crazy I, out of respect, said nothing. We drove over to the next parallel block and found the burn pile which blew smoke towards the north fence and Mrs. BC was now ready to admit defeat as the image of adoring, cheering, happily weeping townspeople faded to black. Let's go back she said, and we did. A tree man came out shortly after that and she got his opinion and diagnosis regarding trees.
The thing is, now, on a pretty regular basis, I can hear that ringing, all the way up at the cottage, which is more or less in line with the spot where Mrs. BC first stood by the fence, pretending to be an interloper. I don't know what it is but it can be mildly annoying. If it is a fire alarm I wish the building would burn down already. I did eventually get ice cream that day. It wasn't very good. I still have some of it in the freezer. Butter pecan should have pecans in it but this brand didn't have a single pecan.
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