Immolation Faker
It took him most of the evening to work up the courage to tell us he had set his cat on fire. People who set cats on fire are often not cherished but we few stragglers at the party did not feel judgmental, and that is probably a testament to the numbing effects of alcohol. If the man had gone out on the street wearing a sandwich board that said I set my cat on fire it is likely he would have been treated harshly by at least some of the passersby. I actually laughed but felt immediately ashamed, until a few others laughed with me and then I felt all right about it. You may be trying to figure out now which is the sicker bastard, the one who sets the cat on fire or the one who laughs about it. It could be a tie. There doesn't always have to be a winner.
Cat's are not firewood and should not be set on fire. I think we can all agree on that.
Now I would like to distance myself from this man and say that my laughing was obviously of the nervous type. The type that occurs when what you are really feeling is something more akin to horror. I had for the most part felt safe at the party, until the ending where one of us turned out to be a man who casually admits to setting his cat on fire.
Cats are cuddly and gentle creatures, except for the one that I am raising and she is a cold-blooded mauler, who on this most recent trip tattooed a nice scratch onto one girl's arm, swatted at a 7 year-old who up until that time had been worshiping her and subsequently was seen to mope, and later that evening the little tiger apparently punctured a vein or two on the back of my hand so that I dripped blood on the eve of Christmas eve and then the next day, actually just before the man admitted to setting his cat on fire, my cat shredded the face of a woman who afterwards came into the room where the few of us sat passively drunk (and not yet aware of the cat immolator in our midst) to alert us with blood dripping down her chin that my cat had some behavioral problems.
Men who set their cats on fire must be exposed but I have taken this Christmas tale as far as I can. I could have told you the truth but I didn't. I could have said I talked to a man at a party who told me his cat had brushed up against a candle in his home and singed a good bit of her hair on one side but instead I decided to make something up, to allude to the evil that may lurk in men. No cats were seriously injured in this story, but all the human suffering was real.
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