New York
The man across the street called out to me, hey you slithering sea creature, you fanny arbuckle modernist prefab poster boy, you casper the friendly ghost wannabe, you high-water pant wearing blowhard, you fabulist, you correspondingly iridescent crack caulker, you sharp shooting snake oil salesman, you dog, you politically correct puke sucker, you horse's ass wipe, you stink bug loving lassie licking dingleberry, you freshwater fisherman, you lead based paint nibbling brain dead hiccuping ne'er-do-well, hey butthead I'm talking to you, you fascist mormon meat eating ignoramus, you islamic christian catnip growing procrastinator, why don't you go jump in a frozen arctic lake or nosedive into a landmass, call me when you get there, don't forget to put a stamp on it you stem cell, you shave cream hoarding hash smoker, you irruptive gabbro-head, you make want to shout, hey you, you...
...at this point I turned around from performing an important task, to spy from what source did come all this potty mouthing, as cab drivers whizzed by in the street, and hardworking earnest good solid people passed along the sidewalks, to see over there a giant black Labrador that never did nobody no harm, attached by leash to a man I recognized as a Long Island resident, the one who holds hostage one of my best friends, the margarita machine, and so I walked over and shook his hand, offering no insults of my own. I wondered and then voiced out loud what brings you to town and he said 11 Madison did, that he would just come into town whenever 11 Madison beckoned, as it did now to honor Yonder Fair Maiden's graduation from one of the windowless uptown institutions. He taunted me, describing how miserable he knew my life without margarita machine must be, and I nodded submissively, I would kid no one pretending otherwise, that life without frozen slushy salty lime flavored tequila was anything but hell, but I pretended in a pitifully transparent fashion that I would get along fine without margarita machine and it was so pitiful, really, that this man of the heretofore expressed ability for pithiness gave in, and jabbed no more at the festering wound that would afflict the soul of any man left slushiless.
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