for all you portlanders wondering why everyone not sporting a handlebar mustache is extra enthusiastic today, here is your two minute recap. nothing beats a buzzer beater to advance to the next round of the playoffs.

just noticed it was kentucky derby day. if you have absolutely no life and a love of horse racing you can watch the four hours of coverage on nbcsn prior to the three hours of coverage on nbc proper. somewhere in there is a two minute race by horses owned by saudi billionaires unlike the soccer i will be watching where the billionaire owners are from dubai. at least no ones whipping them on the field of play just those unfortunates out of frame building the stadiums. ok, thats in qatar for the world cup in 2022 but you dont care anyway so whats the difference.

to my surprise as i feel like my vision is worse after the four years since my last check up there was no change to my eyeglass prescription. but it turns out i have some dry eyes issues as my tear ducts are gunked up. i assured the optician it wasnt so much pollution that was the problem as a lack of empathy. i was sure this joke would lead to an instant rebate on my bill but i had to settle for a coupon for eye drops.

a reprint of a 1978 profile of martin mull.

two eddie murphy post back to back. does that constitute a trend?

just flipped on the tv and trading places was on comedy central so i figured id check in on it for a few minutes. in the first scene i watched they removed the word "nigger" from the text. you could still see he said it but they scrubbed the word out of the audio track. kind of defeats the purpose of expressing how odious the characters are if you lose that context. here is the quote. score one for political correctness?

Mortimer Duke: Do you really believe I would have a *nigger* run our family business, Randolph?

i couldnt come up with the third person in a potential group that was named as an interested party to purchase the la clippers. the two i recalled were oprah and david geffen, two heavy hitters in their own right but the third who escaped me was larry ellison who could by and sell the other two partners a number of times over although just suggesting that would probably disqualify him from contention.

Enjoyed Only Lovers Left Alive and The Railway Man.

wow. very cool 3d printing pen. 

LIX 3D printing pen has the similar function as 3D printers. It melts and cools coloured plastic, letting you create rigid and freestanding structures

cooltools. And the book. 

Bob Hoskins RIP

getting specific with the Minutecast on accuweather.

i assume you all saw john oliver's oregon clip. such a ridiculous waste of money. 

this zebra is totally half-assed.

the other one

I see my red door and it has been painted black

David Foster Wallace's 2002 Pomona College handout on five common word usage mistakes for his advanced fiction writing class.

in case you thought gabriel garcia marquez was still alive im here to tell you he is not.

growing up in bergen county, bergen community college was a handy punchline. once again it has lived down to its reputation.